Alf is not Gay!!!1

I was just minding my own business on the Facebook the other day looking up girls I had gone to highschool and had either been humiliated by or ignored (there are a lot of them) when a coworker of mine from the security guard service posted this horrific image on my wall:

After the horror at seeing my favorite number 1 hero of all time making out with a dude, I thanked the heavens that mom doesn't know how to use a computer. Well, she can manage to use the library computer to get on craiglist to get a lot of dates, but that's about it. I flipped out on Carl and he didn't get why I was so mad. He thought it was funny. FUNNY THAT ALF COULD BE A GAY!!!!

There's no way that Alf could be gay. First of all, he had a girlfriend on Melmac named Rhonda. Secondly, Alf is pure and natural and gay stuff is against nature and everything like that. Yeah, everyone has some strange thoughts and dreams sometimes. And sometimes when jerking your pee-pee, you might find yourself thinking about dudes. But that's not natural. That's what the loving power of Jesus is for and taking those terrible and oddly exciting thoughts and burying them deep down where they won't bother you anymore! And if that doesn't work, you can go to Straight Arrow Bible Camp for Teens where they starve you, dunk you in freezing water, and scream at you until you're cured. Now that's the natural way of things! It worked for me!

If God wanted there to be gays, he would have made it Adam and Steve, or in this case Alf and Ralf. Get it? Haha

Alf rules!

Permanent Midnight Review

So someone at work told me that I should watch Permanent Midnight because it sort of had to do with Alf. The movie stars Ben Stiller and he's a writer. Well, I was duped. This movie is blasphemy! It's supposed to be about this "writer" who "wrote" for Alf, but the movie can't say that it's Alf because of the rights or something. Well, I can tell you for a FACT that this can't be true. No druggie ever wrote for Alf, BECAUSE ALF IS TOO PURE AND WONDERFUL TO HAVE BEEN WRITTEN BY A DOPE ON DOPE!!!!1111

Sorry for the strong words. This movie made me so upset that I threw out my copy of Zoolander. That used to be one of my favorite movies of all time. NOT ANY MORE!

The only good thing about the movie? The British girl gave me a boner.

I give Permanent Midnight two thumbs down. Now I have to take an extra brain pill tonight.

Alf rules!

Alf... THE BOARD GAME

I was at Half Price Books the other day and there were a bunch of board games behind the selling counter. AND THERE WAS AN ALF BOARD GAME! After I worked up my courage to talk to the girl behind the counter, I asked how much the game cost. She took a look at it and said forty dollars. I was heart broken. All I had was five bucks on me and some quarters my mom gave me for the arcade (my mom doesn't know there aren't any arcades any more, please don't tell her I need the money).

I'm not very proud of what happened next. I started crying. The girl didn't know what to do. I just couldn't help myself. Here was an Alf board game that I wanted so badly, but couldn't have. I just kept thinking about how my Dad would have bought it for me if he hadn't left for cigarettes and forgot his way home. At first the employees felt sorry for me, but when I started throwing things they asked me to leave. What jerks.

Alf rules!

Alf at Target!

Okay Alf fans, don't get excited. I didn't actually *see* Alf at Target, but that would have been fantastic if I had right? I'd have bought him a soda and asked him to tell me all about his homeworld. What I did see at Target was that they have all four glorious seasons of Alf available in two packs for twenty dollars each!!! That means you can get all seasons of Alf for DVD for 40 bucks!!!!! I didn't buy them, because I have them. Actually, I have two copies each in case one get scratched, like they often due because I'll leave them out an my Mom's cat will scratch them. Sometimes I wish Alf would eat my Mom's cat. Like in the hilarious manner on the DVD box cover!

...Alf rules!

The Alf Movie

The remake of A-Team into a movie got me thinking the other day, why can't Alf be brought back as a big budget movie!? Some person online thought of the same thing and made this super awesome poster with the potential stars of a new Alf movie. I thought it was real for awhile until I checked IMDB. Shoot!

I like all of the choices, though I would like to have the original cast back, though I think Willy is in jail for molesting kids (ouch!). I would love to see Megan Fox in it for sure. The other day the DVD player broke from me constantly rewinding and pausing on the scene in Transformers 2 where she leans over the motorcycle. Don't tell anyone... I was masturbating. My Mom had to use part of her Social Security check to buy a new one so she didn't have as much money for the casino. Boy, was she upset!

Alf rules!

Alf Costume

This Alf costume really captures the look of Alf in a full size human suit and is super awesome. It's about ten times as hilarious as an Austin Powers costume and that's pretty funny. I bought one of these a few years ago and I wore it around town during Halloween with my friend Chuck who was dressed up like an abortion doctor (don't tell my Mom). Even though the costume is great because it looks just like Alf, some people thought I was dressed up as Chewbacca. One woman thought I was dressed like sort of rapist because I had a boner while I was trying to hit on her. Well sorry if I get excited really easily, lady!

Alf rules!

Alf Meets the X-Files

Oh no, look out Alf! It's the X-Files!

This artist obviously wonders what would happen if Alf were to meet the X-Files. No doubt the results would be hilarious and we'd learn an important lesson about team work. You know they would have to have a fight when they first met though. It's what happens in the comic books my mom is always yelling at me for buying.

I usually have dreams about Alf meeting other TV shows after I take my brain medicine.


Alf rules!

Alf Tattoo

This is a tattoo of Alf. I can't believe that someone would put Alf on their body forever, but there you have it! I have to admire their dedication. Maybe they should have an Alf blog too!

My father had a tatoo, but it was of a skull with a knife going through it. I haven't seen him since Alf was on TV, so I'm not sure if he ever got another one. Wouldn't it be crazy if this was my Dad's tattoo?

Dad, if you're reading this, please leave a comment.

Alf Rules!

Alf and Cats

The above picture is hilarious. Watch out cat!!!

Alf is not from this world, therefore there are some thing from Alf's culture that are different than ours. On Melmac (Alf's homeworld) they eat cats. Now that's funny, because we don't eat cats here. Well, I think they do in China and I guess that's not so funny.

I've never eaten a cat, but sometimes Mom and I have to eat cat food when I buy too many video games and she loses all her Social Security money at the casino.

Alf rules!

Bouillabaisseball

On Alf we get to learn that they don't play baseball like they do on Earth, but they play bouillabaisseball. Bouillabaisseball is a lot like regular baseball, except a lot of the rules are different and they use fish to play. Hah! Fish! Alf was even the co-captain of a bouillabaisseball team.

I think it's funny that Alf is the only athlete I ever admired. I don't like sports because guys that played sports used to make fun of me at school.

Alf Rules!

Calling All Alf Fans (i.e. Alfies)!

Would you like to share your thoughts about Alf or have a story about how Alf impacted your life? How about a poem, fan fiction, or an Alf drawing? Here at Alf Blog we'd love to share your unique gifts to the world!

Alf Rules!

Alf and God

Sometimes when I'm lying on my bed alone in my room and Mom has passed out from drinking too much so the house is really quiet, I think about how Alf fits into God's plan. I mean, if God made us then he would have to make Alf and all his people on Melmac. We know from the series that they believe in God, but his name is Berry. Do the Melmacians have a soul then? If so, did Jesus die for their sins too? Or was there an Alf Jesus that died for all the sins of the Melmacians? If that's the case, were there Jewish Melmacians that didn't accept that Alf Jesus was their savior? I really wish they would have addressed this on the show.

What do you think? I'd ask my mom, but she would hassle me and tell me I needed to go to confession again for thinking blasphemous thoughts.

Alf Rules!

Alf Plays Heavy Metal Rock and Roll Music

Some inspired people created this video of Alf playing heavy metal rock and roll music. It's pretty funny, because he's not really playing that song at all!

My mother would never let me listen to this kind of music when I was growing up. Now she can't stop me, because I bought headphones and she can't hear what I'm listening to when I'm wearing them. When she asks I say I'm listening to Susan Boyle.

Alf rules!

What is Alf?

If you're too young or simply lived under a rock in the 1980s, you might not know just what the heck Alf is! Alf is an alien from the planet Melmac and he was the star of his very own sitcom that first aired in 1988. The show lasted four seasons before being canceled (despite my letter writing campaign to NBC). Alf even had his own cartoon that took place on Malmac!

During his time on the air, Alf was on almost every product imaginable, because he was such a significant and groundbreaking icon like Marilyn Monroe. He was also on Hollywood Squares as guest, just like Marilyn Monroe would have been if she lived that long.

While Alf may be gone, he's not forgotten. Alf continues to influence popular culture and society to this day. Hit movies like Avatar owe their success to the furry smart talking alien that captured our hearts and minds in the 1980s.

Alf rules!

Hello Alf Loving World!

This blog was created to celebrate all things Alf. I just hope the legions of Alf fans out there will love this blog just as much as they love Alf!



Alf rules!